Chin Flapping: The Mitch McConnell Disaster

Senator Mitch McConnell

Blah, blah, blah! So much chin flapping, and so little truth or intelligence being spoken. If America had a dollar for every time you told the truth, we’d be broke.

Now, I must admit, Senator Mitch McConnell, you are pretty consistent regarding women’s issues. That is… consistently against them, you turtle-faced buffoon. I’ve compiled a small list, of which I have tried to use small words, so that you, and your voter base of vulnerable adults, will be sure to understand.

You’ve voted against the Lilly Ledbetter Act, against the Paycheck Fairness Act, the Violence Against Women Act, the Family Medical Leave Act, and celebrated the Supreme Court’s ruling in the Hobby Lobby case.

Whenever you are confronted with your track record of being so clearly against all women’s issues, you shrug in your shell and proclaim that “enough barriers for women had been removed” for your justification, adding that today there are “a ton of female CEOs”. Really? Is that the best you have? I fear that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn’t be enough inside to cover a Ritz cracker!

Oh, how you do love to boast about your record on women’s issues, proudly. Which is to say, you LIE about it and claim you voted for all the bills you actually opposed. Did you not know that votes are a matter of record? A public record, that is. I’ve met better liars at an All Lives Matter cross-burning party. Barely, I mean, they’re your constituents, so…

Like that time you lied through your chin… er, no, not that chin… the third one down… THERE! THAT chin! …And touted your support for the Violence Against Women Act, except it turns out you supported it only before 1994. Still, you voted against it in 1994, 2012, and 2013. Honestly, your lying is so incompetently disguised that it is obvious you are the reason the conservative gene pool needs a lifeguard.

Let’s not forget November 2013, when you tried proclaiming over the laughter of your intellectual superiors that you “worked your entire career” for equal pay. Still, in reality, you have voted against it repeatedly since 2008.

Another example of your lying is when you tried convincing people you stood up for women in the Senate sexual harassment scandal surrounding Bob Packwood in the 1990s. Still, the truth is you actually sabotaged that effort rather than supported it. Despite calls for public hearings, you blocked them. And when it came up for a vote on a public hearing, you filibustered (there’s that word again). You played along with the investigation against your fellow Republican while you were in the minority and couldn’t really stop it. But once you had power, you worked to sabotage the investigation, stifle public hearings, and threaten Sen. Barbara Boxer of California over them. It sounds a lot more like you stand up for male harassers rather than stand up for women.

Every fucking election cycle, decade after decade, the Fuck-up Fairy visits Kentucky, and you get reelected. What will it take for your mouth breathing, mullet sporting, squirrel hunting voters to realize that you are just an unutterably foolish subhuman? A depraved monotonous, solitaire playing, despicable assault on the senses? I mean, honestly, Mitch, when was the last time you saw somebody smile because you entered a room? Never? That’s because they all smiled when you left!

Housing Advocate, Founder of www.homebaseminnesota.com, vocalist at Ghostheart and artist at www.comradejohn.com